We Should Teach Students To Use Cocaine!

As an educator, it is important that I stay up to date with the wants and needs of industry. Apparently, cocaine is used throughout many industries to increase worker's performance, so I came to realise we should actively teach them to work on cocaine. In this post, I list a few common objections you might have to cocaine usage, and eloquently refute them, beginning with the main one:

Won't the students get addicted?

The best people in industry do cocaine, according to my sources. If it was so bad, why would they do it?

What about the costs? Regular cocaine usage sounds expensive.

Sure, but don't worry: suppliers sell it for cheaper initially. After that, their bosses should just pay them for it. (Who knows, in a future world they might just pay them in cocaine directly!)

I read an article in the newspaper that says it might impact their deep thinking capabilities. What about that?

There's a bit of evidence, sure, but more research is needed. In the meantime, think of the productivity gains! So much work can be done so much faster. Do you want our students to be left behind??

Some of my friends are saying that cocaine usage actually isn't paying off for their company. Is it really worth it?

If cocaine doesn't meet the requirements, they can simply go harder: there's so many more hard drugs to try out, which can be combined to gain even better performance. It'll cost slightly more, sure, but the gains will be worth it. Trust me, bro.

What about the danger of inducing psychosis?

This is a naive concern. Due to the productivity gains, they'll obviously have much more energy for other things. This can involve trips to the therapist to work on any mental damages. Of course, they should also use this time to simply work more and harder.

Won't regular usage risk making them dependent on suppliers, who might not have their best interest at heart?

No, just trust them! Why would they not care about their customers? These dealers only want to make money, and that requires good relations with their customers.

I've been hearing a lot about potential ethical issues. What's the deal with that?

Like always, you woke people will always find issues. Cocaine is indeed linked to some minor problems, like exploitation of vulnerable people and powering entire fascist movements. But what isn't? Furthermore, if you simply ignore those ethical issues, cocaine is actually great! By now, these arguments should've convinced you to walk out the door right now, and buy some cocaine. If you're still hesitant, just try it out and you'll be hooked. I promise.

If you've come this far without recognizing the silliness of this post, try replacing "cocaine" by "LLM" and rereading the post. :-) Obviously I don't endorse forcing the students to use hard drugs, and I don't endorse forcing them to use LLMs. Teaching them to simply offload friction-inducing activities because "the industry also doesn't do this" seems like a great way to stop them from developing as a person.